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| well i guess i should prolly update seeming as how my life keeps going through drastic changes,... i dont know what to do anymore,.. as each day passes by i want to end myself that much more,.. my mom is booting me from the apt. so now i have to get my own ,. wich i think ive found one,. but i think im going to call her back and tell her no,.. because one of the three ppl in my life that i love with all of my heart seems to hate me,... im a horrible person,.. i wish that i could be perfect,.. i wish that i was everything and more that she wants in life,.. cuz i cant do it for her,... im no good,.. im a worthless peice of shit,. and everyone knows it,.. therefore im sure i wont be around much longer unless a few things change,... and get better,... but im tired and ive been up for awhile so im gonna go to sleep,... | | |
| well today is a great day,.. im currently getting ignored from my gf because she pissed me off,.. that doesnt make much sense does it,.. i tried talking to her about something extremly important,.. for both of us,.. and she doesnt give a fuck,.. just tells me shes gonna go cuz she has to get more sleep,.. you know what im just gonna stop fucking trying,.. cuz im so sick of being fucking rejected,. | | |
| well lately has been pretty good,.. my band is doing rather well,.. 8 months and counting and we're getting flown down to florida to record,.. i cant fucking wait,. we will rule you all with an iron fist,.. anyways,.. my sister is in hawaii right now,.. im so jealous,. and on top of that,. she got to hang out with mudvayne the other day,.. wtf?,.. but she did get me their autographs so im pretty content,.. me and the love of my life are doing awesome,.. execpt yesterday at band practice,.. she was just way to fucking wasted,.. never mix pot, booze, no dos,. and silvia together,. you will end up with you head in a toilet for over an hour,.. i love that girl to death though,.. one day i will marry that girl,... but her dad,. dickface,. i fucking hate him,.. we went over to her parents house so she could get a few things,. and the first thing he says to me was are you wearing makeup,.. im like ive got eyeliner on,.. he goes,.. are you a faggot,.. im like no,.. he goes are you sure,.. cuz ive seen some guys in prison cells that look just like you only they have tits,.. i was so fucking pissed,. i just walked out and waited in the car for her talking with costa,.... i wanted so bad to be like,. yeah im fucking gay,.. but i still manage to get it up when i fuck the shit out of your daughter,... he such a small minded fuck,.. one of my best friends is gay,.. and it pisses me off to see that just because ppl are different it give ppl like him the right to call them faggots,.. what a fuck,.. then her thong was hanging out a little bit so he started in on her about that,.. i should have told him that i went underwear shopping with her and bought her some new thongs,. that would have got him going,.. what a fuckass,. i hate parents,.. i guess i just hoped that her parents would accept me because im totally in love with their daughter,. and itd be nice to get along with them,.. her mom likes me,.. but not her dad,.. i mean come on,.. she has never been so much in love with any other guy she has ever dated besides me,. and her dad cant just let her be happy,.. he has to ruin it by saying fucked up shit like that,. im used to parents not liking me,. cuz of my looks and all,. but fuck,. just cuz i wear eyeliner,., doesnt mean im gay,. christ,. | | |
| well it has been a long time hasnt it,... hmmm in about 5 minutes im heading up to green lakes to do some needed thinking,.. ive been fucking up so bad lately,... with my gf,.. i love her so much but i cant seem to do anything right,.. as of last night she pretty much hates me,.. of that im sure,... well heres where im at.... theres this kid named dave,.. wich i know has feelings for her... and lately everytime i go up there hes either in her room,.. or he calls her while im there,..and he writes in her myspace that he misses her,. and on top of that shes been treating me like human garbage lately... .what am i supposed to think,... idk,.. but everytime i say anything,.. she gets angry,... but if i was hanging out with one of my girl friends,.. and that friends said something like i miss you,.. my gf would probably get jealous or pissed off,.. just like i am,. i just wish she could see it from my point of view just once,.. maybe then she would understand,.. she just wont listen to me ,.. and it hurts,.. i feel like im losing her,.. to something or other,.. even if its not to that nasty ass,.pimple fuck,.. it just hurts to know that shes hanging out with other guys all the time,.. even after i cut all of the girls i was hanging out with out of my life,.. and as much as i try i cant be perfect,.. and im so confused cuz sometimes she be loving and be there with me,. and want to hang out,.. and the next minute she'll act totally different,.. like im not even there,.. idk,. but im out,.. ive gotta go for a car ride,.. maybe ill get lucky and my gf,.. will read this,. and finally understand whats going on through my head,.. and maybe this time,.. she wont just get angry with me... like she always does,.. maybe she'll try and talk with me instead of leaving,.. or maybe itll just end up the way it always does,.. make me feel like an idiot,... and put me in tears,.. why does life have to be so hard,.. i wish mine could be perfect,.. where me and my gf never fought,.. never angry,.. just live a life of bliss,.. but now i leave this page for another time,.. | | |
| im prepared to have the best new years ever,... partyin it up with a few of my friends,.. who knows whatll be there,.. but ill be having fun,... | | |
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